Why Selfish is not always the Same as Wrong or Immoral

So in my last couple of posts I talked a lot about how important it is to fulfill the self. (If you haven't read those posts, here are the links Part I, Part II, and Part III) and in this post I'm going to address a question I'm sure came up. "But isn't doing that stuff... selfish?"

When we think of the word "selfishness" we almost have a knee-jerk reaction in associating it with words like bad, or immoral, but how do we know that this is true? There are instances in which I think being selfish is not only moral, but important and too often people overlook them.

I won't deny that together selfishness and fear can create a powerful paralytic - In December of 2012 alone there were two instances of people being pushed onto the subway tracks in New York, possibly because nobody stepped in to help, the victims were killed by the arriving subway train. (Links to articles on those two incidents here and here) 

There's no concrete reason to explain why no one helped, but I would say [the selfish] fear for personal safety was most definitely a factor. (Which is totally fair by the way, everyone has the right to look out for themselves).

"if there were absolutely no pros for you in doing something, would you do it? "

All this seems really negative right? So when can selfishness ever be good? Well, selfishness and fear can also incite action. For example, the desire most people have to matter. To satisfy this, people tend to do great things such as running into burning buildings to save lives. In truth, the motivations behind actions like this aren't always purely going to be "because I want to help" there's probably a part that's motivated because you like it, you like how it makes you feel, and/or because want your life to mean something. That's kind of selfish isn't it? 

And couldn't it be that part of your motivation to do good is due to fearing reaching the end of your life and realizing nothing you did really mattered?

I do believe we are selfish creatures, and if you thing about it, if there were absolutely no pros for you in doing something, would you do it?

The best example I can think of is with suicide. Would someone kill themselves just because? Or is it for personal gain? (Ie: since they don't want to live anymore).

After thinking about the above question, I'd now like to pose this one: if nothing we did could benefit ourselves personally, would we be motivated to do anything?  

"I'm arguing for selfishness, but a certain kind of selfishness"

I would say no, and I know that sounds really negative, but that's what this post is for - shedding light on the positive of being (a good kind of) selfish.

In the movie "Nell" there's this really though provoking line in the beginning where the characters are discussing selfishness and selfish intent and one person says something like "Even Mother Teresa wanted to know her life would help others." it's not wrong to be selfish, even those we put forth as the best of us fall prey to it. (Don't worry, I'm not trying to flip everything you learned in elementary school, I'm arguing for selfishness, but a certain kind of selfishness)

Now here is the big question: do selfish motives undermine any of the good things you may choose to do? I don't think so, I say this because once a good deed is done, the IMPACT is there, and that is what is known, that is what is felt. (great blog on that can be found here) 

So what if you didn't mean for something you said to hurt someone? It still did. 

Similarly, so what if inside you are a terrible person, so long as you do and/or tell others to do good things? No one but you are going to know your thoughts if they are not spoken or acted upon, and so they don't necessarily mean all that much, and they certainly can’t weaken anything you've done.

For example if you give your hot chocolate to a homeless person on a cold day, the kindness you showed them and the warmth the drink would afford them would make their day brighter, no? It doesn't matter if the reason you did it was because you wanted to feel like a good person. Your action still made life better for that person, and on a small scale your action still made the world a better place. Thought/intent does not do anything by itself. It needs to be translated into an action and/or words for it to do something.

Like with me, I try to do my best to advocate for feminism and social justice, but because I am a part of the disfavoured group, are my intentions selfish? 

I'd like to say no, but in reality the answer is probably yes. Does that make it wrong for me to advocate for the equitable treatment of people, women in particular? I think most people would agree with me when I say no, it doesn't. 

It's not wrong for me to not want to have to act differently from who I am just to be taken seriously. It's not wrong for me to want to be judged by my capabilities and if I make morally correct choices rather than the way my body looks, and it's not wrong for me to want this for all women.  

"In a way we need to be selfish, so we can take care of ourselves and be the best people we can be."

The other thing is that you need selfishness for self love. We tend to build ourselves around other people, and if we suffer for them, it's okay so long as it makes them happy right? That's noble to do, but you can't forget about yourself and your own needs. Because at the end of the day, your greatest duty is to yourself.  You might say, “Oh but I have a duty to my loved ones, I feel bad when they feel bad and I want to help them,” you empathize and may sort of feel what they feel, but the only feelings you'll ever feel keenly, in their most raw and pure form will be your own, you are not them, you don’t actually feel what they do. 

Also being willing to do anything for someone can lead to dangerous situations for you. Someone could be abusing you without you realizing it to be abuse. Also, if your whole identity is wrapped around one person, what would happen to you if that person leaves your life? So in a way we need to be selfish, so we can take care of ourselves and be the best people we can be.

It's important to work on yourself because then you can become a person with the capability to do great things, then you can become a great person. We can't have great societies if the building blocks, the people, are not also great (or at least more great than bad). If we don;t ever do anything for ourselves, we would never be able to reach that point.

Though I would never say that selflessness is wrong - there is a female philosopher named Ayn Rand that has a theory called "the Virtue of Selfishness" (read up on that here) where she argues that properly understood self interest is the basis of morality, and selflessness is immoral. 

I wouldn’t go that far, selfless acts like helping others and giving are probably the basis of kindness, but at the same time there needs to be a limit to stop selflessness from becoming self-harm. 

Also, in a way this idea sort of contradicts itself. Selflessness can stem from selfishness as I said above, so calling one moral and one immoral would mean each trait would flip flop around the line of moral and immoral.

So to sum up, selfish isn't bad when it's impact is good, be it self-love, the desire to feel like a good person, etc; Selfish is bad, when it's impact is bad.