Self Fulfillment in More than Just Body image.

"[... T]o all those who are judged, 

stay beautiful, stay you.

And don’t ever change,

unless you choose to.

You may feel like you’re broken, 

you may feel all alone, 

but you are something greater 

than you have ever known. 

- From "Controlled by What We Can't Control" copyright me.

 

Shout out to Sahar for liking my posts, and for being the first commentor on this blog! I appreciate it, girl! :)

So recently I've done a lot of posts about self fulfillment rather specific to body image. (If you haven't already, please check those blog posts out! Butts Part I, Butts Part II, Butts Part III, Selfish Not Immoral ) Here I want to talk about self fulfillment in more than just body image and why you shouldn't care what general people may think of you when making decisions about your life. 

Gender Roles in General:

Women! Cook clean, take care of the house etc. Men! Work, work, work, be the breadwinner support the family. Sound familiar? Sound as grating against who you are as nails on a chalkboard? Yes I am talking about the truly atrocious gender roles!

There is just so much wrong with them.  

First what they are based on is ridiculous. Gender roles are expected of us based on whether we are born male or female, something we have no control over, why do we think we can tell what a brand new person, a baby, will act like, enjoy, be able to achieve, etc. before we even get a chance to know them as a person?

The very heart of the matter is that Gender Roles limit us.

"Sexism is stupid

gender expectations make us small.
They confine us in a little box, 

and tell us that is all,

all we should be, all we can be,

and that we shouldn’t strive, 

to be more than what we’re told, 

To live, to dream, to thrive." 

- From Controlled by What We Can't Control, copyright me.

We are told what we should be often before being able to discover who we are. And because of that we think we can only be so much, achieve so much, but you can't know what you are capable of unless you try.

They dictate who should be taken seriously in different situations and base things all on what you are, not who. 

- From "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North

I believe we are more, or can be more than what advantages and disadvantages we are born with. Maybe what you are can hinder or give you advantages, but with hard work and determination you should be able to achieve whatever it is you want. 

But unfortunately, it's not always up to you, because you can't do anything if others don't give you a chance, and it's incredibly unfair if that's based on prejudice, discrimination and stereotypes.

Career Choices:

For this point I'm going to focus on females' experiences, mostly because I don't think I'm qualified to talk about what males go through, but these are by far NOT the extent of what people may experience.

The fact of the matter is you can't win.

Women are often judged negatively no matter what they choose to do - If she wants to stay at home and be with her children she is often judged as "weak" or "lazy". (And might I say that's just ridiculous, housework and taking care of kids is really HARD); 

If she chooses her career over her kids or simply doesn't want kids, she's "selfish". And this one is ridiculous because first off, if we only focus on the next generation, we'd never accomplish anything now. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Brilliance does not care about gender or race.

"There are so many brilliant minds 
That have withered and gone to waste

All because some old idea says 

That because you’re different, brilliance is not your place"

- From Controlled by What we Can't Control, copyright me

Second, I refuse to be only a means to continue the species. Just because we have the biology needed to carry children, that doesn't make it a woman's duty to do so. It might have been important way back when there were very few people on Earth, but right now the Earth has plenty of people, several countries are overpopulated.

The fact of the matter is: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should or have to. (This goes for many situations, ie: freedom of speech; just because you CAN say something doesn't mean you should.) And really, is it wrong for me to want to do something great (that is unrelated to children) with my life?

We don't seem to have any problem with males doing that.

(And before you shout "man hater" I'm not hating on men, I'm hating on the fact that there is a double standard)

As I have discussed, I don't think equality is what we should be aiming for, there are definitely situations where I think equal treatment should apply, but I think the overarching branch we should be aiming for is equal respect, equal value and equity. 

Once you look deep into many (particularly social) issues they tend to come straight back to gender roles, this being no exception.  

I think the major reason women are judged negatively for choosing work over children is because they are being compared to gender roles by a person who holds gender roles as the way things "should be"

This idea that only women are suited to be caregivers is simply archaic, there are plenty of studies that suggest parenthood changes men to be better nurturers. (Two of which can be found here, and here) This still widely held belief harms women who want to do other things and it harms men that wish to be involved in their children's lives.

It's the same thing for the other side, women judged negatively for staying home with the kids are being compared to gender roles by someone who doesn't hold gender roles as the way things should be. 

This too, is a dangerous route because those that choose and want to go along with the traditional gender roles are marginalized. Which is not what we want either, we don't want to stop shaming the non-conformers by shaming the conformers.

All too often people who break away from what is traditional are heralded for doing so, but we should be praising people for daring to be who they are, because otherwise we're sending a message that we think there's something wrong with going along with the gender role, but there isn't.

I want, perhaps more than anything, to achieve a world where everyone can be themselves.

Thank you for reading and I'd love to know what people think so share your opinions with me in the comments. 

*** Also on a side note, if you enjoyed the snippets I posted from my poem, I'm thinking of putting it up as my next post, would anyone be interested if I did?