Racism And Gender Roles in our Everyday Lives + Reasons for Being a Bystander (Crazy Bus Story Part II)

So this (very late) post (I'm sorry!) is going to explore motivations and influences - what may have influenced each person who was involved in the fight, what influenced me etc. (This is part II of Crazy Bus Story, find part I here )

Please note, I know very little about the people involved, there are so many factors that I have no access too - maybe "Bob" was having a bad day and would have reacted differently on another day etc.. So this is a look at things without the full picture. 

Race: 

When I talked to people about what had happened, some people were certain race played a role. I also definitively feel it was a factor. 

Would Bob have treated Bluebag with more courtesy had he been white? Would Bob have been made as angry by a white kid spitting in his direction? And here's something to ponder, what might the situation have turned into had BlueBag been Eastern Asian? 

Gender Roles:

I have to say that fight was some of the most stereotypical male behaviour I have ever come across. So I mention gender roles because I couldn't help but wonder if things would have ended up differently if there aren't so many voices telling males, especially young males, to be macho and violent. 

And really, the fact that "Bob" was the one that started the fight really surprised me. And I can't say if it was just him or if he wouldn't have acted so violently if gender roles weren't so big. 

I don't know if you noticed, but no women were

involved at all. The bus driver was male, Bluebag and Bob were male, the person that ended up stepping in was male. And it's not like there weren't many women on the bus, I'd say it was about half-half, there might even have been more women than men.

With gender roles we question what came first? Did how men and women act precede the expectation of how men and women act, or do men and women act the way they are expected to?

Is the difference between the way men and women act due to nature, or do we conform because that's what we're taught to be and we believe that's how we naturally are? 
  
As A Bystander: 

I can't speak for everyone who didn't act, but here were my reasons. I did absolutely nothing, and I felt awful about it, I'm taking a course called genocide and the whole thing is about "You gotta do something, you gotta do something" Yet I still didn't do a thing. 

Why was that?

Well... I was definitely afraid for myself, BlueBag was oozing aggression and this... sort of flippant disregard for others and for himself for that matter. So yeah there was some fear of him, of maybe becoming the focus of aggression if I did something. 

Though I want to be very clear I was NEVER fearful for my personal safety, never thought I'd be hurt. Me being the shy person I am, I did feel anxiety at the idea of speaking up - I guess that's another factor, the person's personality. 

Second, there was the fear of exacerbating the situation. Especially at the beginning, it didn't seem like it would be a big deal, and maybe it just seemed like the risk of making things worse was greater than the chance of making things better. 

Looking back on the situation that fear seems pretty legitimate. if several people had intervened, if I had been in BlueBag's shoes, I'd have felt ganged up on and that's never a good situation to create. 

I think the biggest thing that kept me from acting though, and this ties in with sexism and the Kyriarchy, was that I didn't feel like they'd listen to me. 

As a teenaged, Asian, female, I didn't feel like

Powerless ;)

these two men would take me seriously. In this case, I don't think the fact that I'm Asian would have played a big role. Mostly I thought they'd look at me and think "Pff, what does this kid know? Why should we listen to her?" paired with a "I don't take women seriously" sentiment as that's a pretty big thing in our society. 

While it was happening I felt very acutely how (and maybe this is just a perception of mine) women and young people's opinions aren't really valued, and that really weighed me down. 

Additional Points of View on Reasons For Being a Bystander: 

• When I discussed what happened with the friend that had witnessed the event with me, she expressed another sentiment that was probably widely held by the people on the bus: "You didn't feel like it was your place to intervene".
• Talking to another friend about what had happened, when I mentioned how I hadn't done anything, her reaction was "You don't want to get involved". This kind of ties in with my first point, there's chance that intervening would come back to bite you in the butt. 

Yelling to the Bus Driver: 

Authority Figure

The last thing I want to discuss is the way both Bluebag and Bob were yelling at the bus driver to control the other person.

I don't know how well I can describe why, but I just find the scenario really... curious. 

I guess it's just something about how they were both grown men, very capable of making their own decisions and resolving their own disputes, but the first thing they do is try to get someone else to make the other behave. It was just very reminiscent of children on the playground needing a teacher to settle the dispute

I guess since it happened on the bus, the bus driver counts as an authority figure, and if you've ever heard about The Milgram Experiment people are very inclined to obey an authority figure. 

This was kind of seeing that in action, not of how people tend to listen to an authority figure, but how people naturally default to an authority figure to try to make someone else listen. I think it's really interesting that it happens that way, not only do we tend to be obedient to authority, but we also know that people tend to listen to authority, without necessarily explicitly being told about it.

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I Couldn't Help but Wonder What Role Race had to Play + The Bystander Effect in Action (Crazy Bus Story Part I)

So this is an absolutely true story - it literally happened on Friday around 1:30 pm.

Me and a friend had gotten on the bus, happy to be done with school for a bit, excited to go home and not have to do anything.

A couple of stops in we realize the bus driver was arguing with some guy that just got on, I'll Call him BlueBag, and I remember being curious about what happened, but then the guy walked into the bus, and though he muttered something along the lines of  "shut the fu** up" it seemed like the thing would just blow over.

About a minute later we find out what BlueBag and the bus driver had likely been arguing about - he'd just spit on the bus.

So another guy, I'll call him Bob, who was sitting pretty close to where BlueBag was standing starts talking to him, none too nicely, might I add. Bob was saying things like "Stop it. You're fu**ing ignorant, you're so fu**ing ignorant". In return BlueBag answered with things like "I don't fu**ing care. Why don't you make me [stop spitting]?". BlueBag was being aggressive about it, walking over to Bob's seat, and because of the way the seat is placed and how he angled himself Bob was pretty much cornered in.

I didn't quite see what exactly happened, but then BlueBag was saying things like "You put your hands on me? Don't put your hands on me. Do it again and I'll take care of you." so I assume Bob had pushed him away or put his hands on BlueBag's shoulders/arms.

Bob yells to the bus driver about telling BlueBag to stop spitting, Bluebag starts yelling at the bus driver to tell Bob to not touch him. (And I find this part very interesting, I'll elaborate later, so keep it in mind)

So the bus stops and the Driver asks Bob whether he feels like a call should be made (I'm not quite sure to what, but I assume to some sort of security enforcement or even the police). And Bob goes "No, no whatever"

And once again I thought things were going to be fine.

I couldn't have been more wrong.

The bus driver was getting ready to continue driving, but then BlueBag, turns toward Bob and if he didn't legitimately send his saliva in Bob's direction, then he made the gesture.

After that it got crazy.

Bob was absolutely enraged by the gesture. He

surged up from his seat like a tidal wave or tsunami or something and just bashed Bluebag, without holding back. Then he got up from his seat and the two men were full on fighting. 

They were punching each other, throwing themselves at the other guy etc. At one point one guy overshot where he'd meant to throw himself and ended up flipping.

They traveled a good 3 meters from where they were standing up toward the front of the bus, and somehow Bluebag got shoved off the bus (the bus' front doors had been open). 

Right after that, is one of those moments of solid clarity that you get sometimes, Bob had been wearing earphones, the earphones caught on something and I just remember Bob yanking them back toward him abruptly and angrily, they snapped back toward him, the two earpieces flying apart before coming back together.

All I could think was "Oh my God, somebody could have choked."

At this point a third man steps in, putting himself in the doorway of the bus' front doors, I couldn't hear what he said, but he seemed to be trying to placate the two. He even got off the bus and seemed to be planning to accompany BlueBag somewhere, or maybe he was trying to make sure BlueBag stayed put.

Nothing happened for a bit, and then everyone was told to get off the bus and get on the next one. As we were getting off, we noticed that out of nowhere some sort of vehicle right in front of the bus - it was striped like a police car, but had no lights at the top.

So where does Race come in? Well what if I told

you Bluebag was a Person of Colour - a young man that was maybe 20. Bob, was a white fellow, probably in his fourties - his hair was grey. And the good Samaritan that intervened was another white man - maybe 25.

And I know the chance of these actual men seeing this is slim to none, but this also goes out to anyone who can relate.

First off: Bluebag I understand. Life is tough, yours is probably tougher than a lot of other people's and you're angry about it. And I really hate that life would make it so you are that angry, but spitting in the bus, antagonizing people and being rude is not an acceptable way to deal with anger.

Bob: Thank you for trying to do a good thing by trying to keep the bus clean, but in truth being condescending and swearing at BlueBag etc was probably the exact wrong thing to do. When someone is doing something you don't like and you want them to stop, usually the best course of action is to be assertive, but polite, for example saying something along the lines of "I don't like that, nobody likes that please stop"

This was the most prominent case of the bystander effect that I have ever experienced. There were maybe 20 people on that bus. We could all tell that BlueBag and Bob were not happy with each other and showing signs of aggression. Nobody really did anything until that third guy stepped in, and even that took a while. 

So to the third guy that decided to intervene: thank you for stepping in and doing something when nobody else did.

Stay tuned, because in the next few days I'll have a post up exploring what happened and factors that may have been involved

You Won't Believe How Great this Advice Is

I wasn't expecting much when I clicked on a link to this - I was curious, nothing else, but as soon as he started answering the first question I knew it was something to share.

The whole thing is pretty great, but the first one really offers up a wonderful analysis and critique of social constructs within society.

*Cough, cough* "Does our society educate boys to be  misogynistic? It probably doesn't value girls and women as it should. And... boys probably see that as a signal that they can get away with things like devaluing women." - Stephen Colbert

So to any young person, young women especially, as the video is directed to young women, I would highly recommend you watch this. And guys, I think it's something worth watching for you too, if for nothing else than to better understand women.

If you don't have time to watch the whole thing, then please, please just watch the first couple of minutes, I PROMISE it it worth it. 

So here is Stephen Colbert offering up some really insightful, heartfelt advice.

Please share this with like everyone you know, it is seriously just SO good. And as a young woman it really brightens my perspective of the world to see that men have view like this and are unafraid to share them. I only hope more guys, share, or at least understand views like this. 

I know I haven't posted in a while - sorry I've just got a lot of stuff to do, but since the holidays are practically here I promise I'll have a new one up in a few days. 

Until next time readers! <3

All too often Good gets Drowned Out by Bad (+ Why We Need to Stop Letting that Happen)

I want to talk about haters. 

More specifically I want to talk about how all to often we let haters drown out the true messages behind things.  

I know this may seem kind of hypocritical to some, as this, too, might seem like hating, but please read this through before judging.  

So as some of you may recall, back at the end of September Emma Watson made a speech at the UN for the HeForShe campaign (If you haven't seen it, I beg you to watch it, I put a link to it on this blog, find that post here).

I really can't say enough good things about it. It was so eloquent, she was so inspiring, the whole thing was just beautifully done.

Unfortunately, the speech also caused a lot of people to direct hate at Ms. Watson, she was threatened with everything from murder, to assault, to leaking personal photos.

First off, that's unacceptable. You're allowed your opinion, but you shouldn't be threatening (seriously or not) other people for having theirs. (I'll discuss this in more detail in a later post)

Second, the way we let negative things take the attention over what should really matter really needs to stop. This happens way too much, and really impedes us as we strive to create a better world.

In the days after Emma Watson made the speech, I'm quite certain I saw more about the negative way some people decided to respond to it, rather than the (amazing) meaning and point of the speech itself. 

And once again society was letting the good get drowned out by the bad. 

Why do we do this? We're giving the haters and the wrongdoers more glory than the victims or the do-gooders. 

Why are we so fascinated by bad deeds, bad things? We're giving the haters more attention than the crusaders for good, and that, is just fundamentally wrong. 

Haters will do and say things that are mean and bad, and yes sometimes it's hard to understand why, but it's also because their actions are despicable that we need to move away from them, they don't need more publicity.  

In the end, the most important thing is the message of those trying to do good, not what the haters are saying/doing in response to it. 

We need to make sure that people that respond negatively/inappropriately don't get to negate all

the potential, all the good intentions, all the efforts of people like Emma Watson, Anita Sarkeesian, and anyone else fighting to change the world for the better are not wasted. 

Anita Sarkeesian

(And yes the two names I explicitly mentioned are female, unfortunately women trying to change the world seem to get the brunt of the hate)

We need to change this system because it almost encourages hate. When you get all this (albeit bad) glory and all this attention for being awful... Well I can see why those who feel antagonized or unimportant/irrelevant in other people's lives would be tempted to commit extreme acts of hate

At the end of the day, we probably don't even need to shun or punish the ones who are negative and disrespectful to an extreme. 

By being awful, in a way, the haters are setting up their own demise - they're proving why there needs to be change. 

And the majority of those that see what the haters say are disgusted by it, and they flock to the side AGAINST the hate and do the opposite of what the haters advocate. 

That doesn't seem like a very great deal for them does it? You get people to dislike you, and they don't do what you want them to. 

Yes we need to call people out when they do things that are unacceptable, but we really need to make sure the original people's good intentions are not overshadowed by those who chose to react negatively. 


And perhaps most important of all: in spreading our well intentioned messages, we need to try and make sure we are not missing the point.

We want this! :D

We don't want this